Resilience Isn’t a Buzzword. It’s a Practice.
A few years ago, I served on a committee for a community organization. As membership renewal season approached, a handful of members came to me—quietly, respectfully, and in confidence—to share that they were stepping away.
Their reasoning was consistent: they didn’t feel they were receiving a return on their investment.
I listened. Not to convince. Not to fix. Just to understand.
And what became clear was this: each of them had made a decision grounded in their own experience and perspective. They weren’t asking to be persuaded otherwise. They were done.
Still, I believed there was something valuable here—insight we could learn from, an opportunity to reflect, maybe even recalibrate how we were communicating value. So I brought the feedback back to the team.
The first question I was asked wasn’t, “What can we learn from this?”
It was, “Who said that?”
They wanted names. Not understanding.
They wanted attribution. Not accountability.
And in that moment, something important became very clear to me:
The organization was surviving. But it wasn’t resilient.
Survival vs. Resilience
We often use these words interchangeably. They’re not the same.
Survival is reactive. It’s about getting through. Maintaining. Holding steady just enough to continue.
Resilience is adaptive. It’s about learning, adjusting, and evolving—especially when it’s uncomfortable.
Survival says, “We’re fine.”
Resilience asks, “What might we be missing?”
At the time, the organization didn’t need to change to keep going. On the surface, things were working.
But beneath that? There were signals. Missed opportunities. Feedback that could have shaped something stronger, more aligned, more sustainable.
And we didn’t take them.
When “Be More Resilient” Becomes a Deflection
Lately, I’ve been thinking about that experience again.
Partly because, let’s be honest, the world feels heavy some days. And partly because I keep hearing the phrase:
“We just need to be more resilient.”
It sounds good. It feels motivating.
But too often, it’s used as a substitute for responsibility.
Resilience isn’t something you demand from people while ignoring the environment they’re operating in.
It’s not a call to “tough it out” in systems that aren’t working.
From a coaching perspective, resilience is not about endurance alone. It’s about awareness, choice, and alignment.
It requires us to pause and ask:
- What’s actually happening here?
- What role am I playing in this dynamic?
- What am I avoiding that might be uncomfortable—but necessary?
Because without that level of reflection, “resilience” becomes a mask for staying stuck.
The Missed Opportunity
When COVID hit, like many organizations, we took a hit.
And suddenly, we weren’t talking about growth or engagement—we were talking about survival.
I couldn’t help but wonder:
What if we had been more curious earlier?
What if we had been willing to sit with the discomfort of that feedback?
What if we had focused less on who said it and more on what was being said?
Would we have been better prepared to pivot?
Would our messaging have been clearer, more transparent, more connected?
Would our team—and our members—have felt more grounded in the change?
That’s the thing about resilience.
You don’t build it in the middle of the storm.
You build it in the moments when you choose reflection over defensiveness, curiosity over certainty, and growth over comfort.
The Coaching Lens: Making the Invisible Visible
In coaching, we often talk about making the unconscious conscious.
Because what we don’t examine, we repeat.
That moment in the meeting? That was a window into the culture:
- A tendency to protect rather than explore
- A preference for certainty over curiosity
- A focus on individuals rather than systems
None of that makes anyone “wrong.”
But it does make it harder to grow.
Resilient individuals—and resilient organizations—are willing to look at what’s beneath the surface. To notice patterns. To question assumptions. To take ownership.
Not perfectly. But intentionally.
Questions That Build Resilience
If you find yourself in a similar situation—whether as a leader, a team member, or even reflecting on your own life—these are the kinds of questions that create movement:
When receiving feedback:
- What is the message underneath the message?
- Where might this be true, even if it’s uncomfortable?
- What am I feeling right now—and how might that be influencing my reaction?
When facing change or challenge:
- Am I trying to protect what is, or explore what could be?
- What would curiosity look like in this moment?
- What assumptions am I holding that might need to be revisited?
When thinking about resilience:
- Am I asking people to be resilient, or creating conditions that support it?
- Where have we adapted well in the past—and what made that possible?
- What conversations are we avoiding that could actually move us forward?
And perhaps most importantly:
- Are we asking the right questions?
Resilience isn’t built through slogans.
It’s built through conversations. Through reflection. Through a willingness to see clearly—even when it’s uncomfortable.
Because the goal isn’t just to get through.
It’s to grow through.
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Hi, I’m Carla Hale.
In my coaching work, resilience isn’t something I treat as a personality trait—it’s something we build, intentionally. Together, we explore how you respond to challenges, where you might be operating on autopilot, and what patterns are quietly shaping your outcomes.
From that place of awareness, you gain choice—how you lead, how you adapt, and how you move forward when things don’t go as planned.
Resilience becomes less about “getting through it” and more about growing through it—with clarity, alignment, and intention.
If you’re ready to strengthen how you navigate change, lead through uncertainty, and create conditions that support true resilience—let’s connect.